You know you're really broke when...

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe
Lincoln.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch anymore.

You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul.

You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

Your bologna has no first name.

You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

Sally Struther's sends you food.

McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

At communion you go back for seconds.




Regards...Gidd

_____________________________

Hey Gidd its Friday and we are waiting patiently for our Friday Humor...!!!
:-)

_____________________________

Here is my submission..enjoy

-----Original Message-----
From: Steve Courtright [mailto:SCOURTR@SEARS.COM]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 10:54 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Friday Humor


**

Hey Gidd its Friday and we are waiting patiently for our Friday
Humor...!!!
:-)

____________
_________________


You may also control your subscription options, including UNSUBSCRIBE,
at www.ARSLIST.org

> >
> > We've been notified by Building Security that
> there
> > have been 4 suspected
> > terrorists working at our office. Three of the
> four
> > have been apprehended.
> > Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, and Bin Drinkin have been
> > taken into custody.
> > Security advised us that they could find no one
> > fitting the description of
> > the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the office.
>
> > Police are confident
> > that anyone who looks like he's Bin Workin will be
> > very easy to spot

Joe Ferguson
Remedy System Administrator
I-Link, Inc.
(801) 576-5033
AIM: JoeRemedy

_____________________________

Here's one for the men, one for the women, and one that shows just how
differently people can view the world!

For the men:
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair
and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he
suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened
her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and
the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th.
I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your
driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

For the women:
There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.

He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He
wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the
landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his
wife was busily baking cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just
barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a
warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly
whacked his hand with a spatula.

Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"

"Those are for the funeral."

Different views:
Ted and John wanted to get away from the countryside and see the world. One
day Ted said to his brother "You know, we could do really well setting up
our bungee-jumping service in Mexico".

John thought this was a great idea, so the two pooled their money and bought
all the equipment they needed.

They traveled to Mexico and began to set up a tower near the center of the
town for good publicity. As they began building the tower, a crowd assembled
nearby. Slowly more and more people gathered to watch them work.

They were excited at having such a big audience that Ted decided to jump and
show his prospective
clients all about bungee jumping.

He bounced at the end of the cord. When he came back up, John noticed that
he had a few cuts
and scratches. As he flew by, John asked if the cord was too long.
Unfortunately, he wasn't able to catch him. So Ted fell again, bounced and
came back up.

This time Ted was seriously bruised and bleeding. Again, John just missed
catching him and asked if the cord was too long.

Ted fell a third time. This time, when he bounced back, he was a complete
mess with a couple of broken bones and was almost unconscious.

Luckily, John finally caught his brother and said "What happened? Was the
cord too long?"

Ted said , "No, the cord was fine, but what in the world is a pinata?


Garron Christie
Kemtah Group Inc. @
Sandia National Laboratories
505 284 2122
505 284 2834 FAX
gchrist@sandia.gov


-----Original Message-----
From: Steve Courtright [mailto:SCOURTR@SEARS.COM]
Sent: October 26, 2001 8:54 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Friday Humor


**

Hey Gidd its Friday and we are waiting patiently for our Friday Humor...!!!
:-)

________________
_____________


You may also control your subscription options, including UNSUBSCRIBE, at
www.ARSLIST.org

_____________________________

Open the attached for the 1st Friday Humor.



-----Original Message-----
From: Steve Courtright [mailto:SCOURTR@SEARS.COM]
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 10:54 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Friday Humor


**

Hey Gidd its Friday and we are waiting patiently for our Friday Humor...!!!
:-)

________________
_____________


You may also control your subscription options, including UNSUBSCRIBE, at
www.ARSLIST.org

Garron,

I give up, yours are definitely funnier than mine !! To all listers,
have a great weekend, this stuff helped make mine......


Regards...Gidd

-----Original Message-----
From: Action Request System discussion list(ARSList)
[mailto:ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM]On Behalf Of Christie, Garron
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2001 8:51 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Re: Friday Humor


**

Here's one for the men, one for the women, and one that shows just how
differently people can view the world!

For the men:
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the interstate for a nice
evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair
and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he
suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.

"There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened
her up further.
The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him.
"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and
the car.
"It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th.
I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your
driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

For the women:
There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.

He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He
wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the
landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his
wife was busily baking cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just
barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a
warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly
whacked his hand with a spatula.

Gasping for breath, he asked her, "Why did you do that?"

"Those are for the funeral."

Different views:
Ted and John wanted to get away from the countryside and see the world. One
day Ted said to his brother "You know, we could do really well setting up
our bungee-jumping service in Mexico".

John thought this was a great idea, so the two pooled their money and bought
all the equipment they needed.

They traveled to Mexico and began to set up a tower near the center of the
town for good publicity. As they began building the tower, a crowd assembled
nearby. Slowly more and more people gathered to watch them work.

They were excited at having such a big audience that Ted decided to jump and
show his prospective
clients all about bungee jumping.

He bounced at the end of the cord. When he came back up, John noticed that
he had a few cuts
and scratches. As he flew by, John asked if the cord was too long.
Unfortunately, he wasn't able to catch him. So Ted fell again, bounced and
came back up.

This time Ted was seriously bruised and bleeding. Again, John just missed
catching him and asked if the cord was too long.

Ted fell a third time. This time, when he bounced back, he was a complete
mess with a couple of broken bones and was almost unconscious.

Luckily, John finally caught his brother and said "What happened? Was the
cord too long?"

Ted said , "No, the cord was fine, but what in the world is a pinata?


Garron Christie
Kemtah Group Inc. @
Sandia National Laboratories
505 284 2122
505 284 2834 FAX
gchrist@sandia.gov


-----Original Message-----
From: Steve Courtright [mailto:SCOURTR@SEARS.COM]
Sent: October 26, 2001 8:54 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Friday Humor


**

Hey Gidd its Friday and we are waiting patiently for our Friday Humor...!!!
:-)

________________
_____________


You may also control your subscription options, including UNSUBSCRIBE, at
www.ARSLIST.org

________________
_____________


You may also control your subscription options, including UNSUBSCRIBE, at
www.ARSLIST.org

_____________________________

I'm sorry for being a stick in the mud but I get my daily dose of humor from
the jokesrus email list. I get my information concerning
issue/problems/solutions concerning the AR System from the ARS List.

Secondly, some of the issues posted lately could be offensive to our brother
administrators in other countries. Please let's be considerate of all
individuals regardless of their nationality, sex, height, weight, etc.

Third, I get the ARS List in digest format and the usual attachments come
across as garbage. Below is only a small example of a garbage image. I
have removed the other 600 lines as I feel that the first 50 get the point
across.

Dave


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name="afghan_school.jpg"
Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64
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filename="afghan_school.jpg"

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.
.
.
.

Dave Shellman

Phone: (717)810-3687
Fax: (717)810-2124
email: dave.shellman@tycoelectronics.com

tyco ELECTRONICS GROUP
A tyco INTERNATIONAL LTD COMPANY
MS 194-026
PO Box 3608
Harrisburg, PA 17105-3607

_____________________________

I couldn't agree more. I've been wanting to post something - but I've been
worried about getting shot down.

1. I rarely find jokes posted to this group funny. Sorry.
2. Please don't post things saying: "Thanks" or "Me too."
Surely these kind of things can be emailed directly to the person?

CW

On Mon, 29 Oct 2001 10:44:06 -0500, Shellman, David
wrote:
>**
>
>I'm sorry for being a stick in the mud but I get my daily dose of humor
>from the jokesrus email list. I get my information concerning
>issue/problems/solutions concerning the AR System from the ARS List.
>
>Secondly, some of the issues posted lately could be offensive to our
>brother administrators in other countries. Please let's be
>considerate of all individuals regardless of their nationality, sex,
>height, weight, etc.
>
>Third, I get the ARS List in digest format and the usual attachments come
>across as garbage. Below is only a small example of a garbage image. I
>have removed the other 600 lines as I feel that the first 50 get the point
>across.
>
>Dave

_____________________________

Honestly,

I think anyone who doesn't want Friday Humor should just delete it as soon
as they see it. As for the attachments, personally I delete EVERYTHING that
comes in attachment form from unknown sources due to possible virus
contamination. And though the ARSList is supposed to have respectable
ARAdmins and Users ;-), I might know two of you and that's simply not enough
for me to trust what I'm getting.

Rule Is: censor yourself, not others. If you don't want it, delete it...

Kellie Porter
Sr. Remedy Developer
Kellie.Porter@verizonwireless.com
(614) 560-8493




-----Original Message-----
From: Shellman, David [mailto:dave.shellman@TYCOELECTRONICS.COM]
Sent: Monday, October 29, 2001 10:44 AM
To: ARSLIST@LISTSERV.VISTAIT.COM
Subject: Re: Friday Humor


**

I'm sorry for being a stick in the mud but I get my daily dose of humor from
the jokesrus email list. I get my information concerning
issue/problems/solutions concerning the AR System from the ARS List.

Secondly, some of the issues posted lately could be offensive to our brother
administrators in other countries. Please let's be considerate of all
individuals regardless of their nationality, sex, height, weight, etc.

Third, I get the ARS List in digest format and the usual attachments come
across as garbage. Below is only a small example of a garbage image. I
have removed the other 600 lines as I feel that the first 50 get the point
across.

Dave


------_=_NextPart_000_01C15E32.8522F140

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Dave Shellman

Phone: (717)810-3687
Fax: (717)810-2124
email: dave.shellman@tycoelectronics.com

tyco ELECTRONICS GROUP
A tyco INTERNATIONAL LTD COMPANY
MS 194-026
PO Box 3608
Harrisburg, PA 17105-3607

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