It's about time someone updated those commandments, so here are some suggestions...

Thou shall not stick anything larger than thine own elbow in thine ear
Thou shall not eat anything larger than thine own head
Thou shall have an ego smaller than that of Prince Charles
Thou shall not sign a contract of more than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not write a contract larger than seven thousand pages
Thou shall not set homework
Thou shall have a surname shorter than forty-six letters
Thou shall always believe in what thy say, unless thou is wrong
Thou shall not be flexible enough to go through thine own legs twice, backwards, without breaking thy spine
Thou shall listen to an entire sentence before making some disgusting comment about it
Thou shall not like any show on Comedy Central, other than South Park and Dr. Katz
Thou shall not create a song lasting longer than twenty-four minutes
Thou shall not bore
Thou shall only install light switches smaller than the wall they are on
Thou shall not do the Hampsterdance
Thou shall not spell hamster incorrectly, with a P
Thou shall not enter a freestyle rapping competition
Thou shall succumb to advertising
Thou shall not try to ‘show the bank’ by not paying your bill
Thou shall not be a Video Jockey (VJ)
Thou shall not market Windows XP
Thou shall not be part of a pop group
Thou shall not use Mad magazine as a basis for real life
Thou shall not make a pocket television that fits in a change pocket
Thou shall not stand in the street and scream “You are the weakest link. Goodbye!” in any language
Thou shall destroy anything to do with any sort of “mon”. Pokemon, Digimon… it’s all got to go.
Thou shall not chuck a psycho
Thow shall use good spelling