The Organization

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at
different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up...some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a$$holes.
===================================================================
A Dinner Conversation

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUBBIE: "Definitely not!"

WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUBBIE: "Of course I do."

WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUBBIE: "Okay, I'd get married again."

WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)."
HUBBIE: (makes audible groan).

WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUBBIE: "Where else would we sleep?"

WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUBBIE: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."

WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUBBIE: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: - - silence - -
HUBBIE: "Shit!"
===================================================================
Actual Radio Conversation

This was a conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in late 1995.

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south
to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north
to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier US LINCOLN, the second
largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We
are accompanied with three Destroyers, three Cruisers
and numerous support vessels. I DEMAND that you change
your course 15 degrees north. I say again, that's
one-five degrees north, or counter-measures will be
undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.


Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.


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**

Quips from George Carlin
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
Why do we sing " Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
If work if so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read alright?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries
are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?






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The Famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete ... she is not a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a metropolitan hospital. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. it cause too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say . . .

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Picabo, ICU
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